My Bloody Valentine

This Valentine's Day, I'm going to spend a superfluous amount of money making special cards for people I care about. Or at least those I care about most; because in reality, I will tire of cutting construction paper after my third valentine. Thus, my mother, best friend, and special oppposite-sex friend are the most "special" of them all. Only two weeks left, time to get crafty.

Nobody ever gave me one of these in Mrs. Watt's fourth grade class...

My friend Kendal bought this exact one from an antique mall I believe.

I have a set of these I purchased from Hip-Wa-Zee two years ago, circa 2002, their date is prime "vintage."

Or I could just hand out this reliable one:

fast food fashion

nobody dressed up..

50 is the new 20

Marcelle said I was on Craigslist as a "missed connection." I'm equally creeped and flattered:

http://columbia.craigslist.org/mis/1011352628.html

I Stole the TV

The other night, Marcelle and I decided to have a sketch off in honor of our dear friend, the Rev. Mer Maid. After limbless mermaids, socttie dogs, and fourth dimensions, we decided to draw (or at least attempt..) our favorite 46-year-old former runaway-turned-high-school-freshman, Jeri Blank of Strangers With Candy.



Marcelle's


Mine


Sweet tat with the Virgin Jeri of Flatpoint High

Miss Ohio and Her Nameless

124 clams

let's hope it buys me an A in the class.

minor things that irk me.

but, like, reallyreally irk me.

Black Uggs with black tights.If you are going to spend an ungodly amount of money on boots, why not purchase a pair that is at least aesthetically and visually pleasing to look at? OH YEAH and you want an endless line from your hips to your toes, so you wear black tights that will create a "seamless" silhouette. Such a silhouette, however, cannot be achieved if your shoes are triple the width of your head. Gross.

Hangnails. Ouch.

Facebook chat when I DO NOT feel like talking to a specific someone yet still want to talk to others. I am well aware of the "go offline" option and I can well ignore someone, but when they do not cease the attempt to make "convo" with you-that is what really irritates me. Hay zeus.

Scuzzy grad students with Facebooks. He's pushing mid-30's, works in student media and is now blocked on Facebook.

My Appetite cannot make up its mind.

Self-righteous folk. guh...

Fratty cunts who take Art History and talk throughout the entire class. I should have changed seats while I had the chance. There is nothing entertaining about reiterating what the professor has just stated to the class. Unless you have some severe mental retardation in which you abs have to do that-please don't.

Too many runs in my tights. I already double-up when I wear them, but it is starting to get ridiculous and it is only January.

Socially needy people. Until I get paid for this task, I refuse to plan your nights. Sorry.

Windows Vista can suck a dick.

My University email rarely sends me critical information. Did I somehow sign up for emails from every girl in the dorm by living in South Tower? No-I am not going to your Kappa Kappa Gamma Ray semen formal and I do not wish to lend you a dress for which to spill PJ on. Of the 23 new emails I recieved today, one was legitimate.

Lists like these.

pretty

neat
Bakari did this one 8]

Are you there tumblr, it's me, girlfacedana

I woke up today in the most agonizing pain of my fertile life. I had begun that wondrous womanhood journey that is shedding uterus lining and having it seep from between your legs. Nature at it's grossest. I exclaimed-quite audibly-"Jesus Christ motherfucker holy shit...." and some other nonsensical babble that can only result from your fallopian tubes shanking your innards. I took some ibuprofen, but two hours later could tell no difference. As I paced the living room trying to get blood flowing in other parts of my body, I began to feel well lightheaded. My blood sugar was beyond low and I was going to pass out. Somehow, I managed to make the endless trek of twelve steps to the kitchen where I feebly grasped a bottle of water and took small sips like one of those malnourished youths you see in those Feed The Children ("for just .20 a day...") advertisements.

Luckily, the altitude sickness I acquired from climbing the stairs subsided rather quickly and I was again left with the dull, yet centralized, pain in my lower abdomen. So still in my bed, I could almost feel the dripping blood fall into my sanitary napkin. OMG THAT WAS SO GROSS, Y'ALL! Margaret arrived with my fix of industrial-strength Midol, and just in time because the heating pad on my belly had not adequately done its job andhad began to burn my skin from the high temperature. The medicine contains more than the "normal" recommended dosage of acetaminophen, and I had already popped two Tylenol tablets just an hour prior. I am writing this to you well doped up on OTC pain relievers. And it is awesome. Grammar and fluidity do not matter when you can numb pain for just $5.99.

I am almost positive that this series of menstrual cramps is so intense because of how sick I have been lately. Five days of fever and a loss of voice later, this is the cherry (see what I did thar) on top of an already nauseating sundae. Of course I would not get ill from having too much fun on New Years, but would wake up with the inability to clot blood while feeling like I have to birth barbed wire.

Happy new year!